Eighteen Years of Snow
by Whitefrost
Summary: The eighteen years it takes for Arya to realize that the one that she loved the most was her cousin. - Cousin incest, R plus L equals J, modern au.


Arya is nine when Jon leaves to live with his brother in the capital as well as with his aunt. Arya is happy for him and wishes him luck. He then says his goodbyes, he doesn't look Arya in the eye and hugs her tighter than he used to. Arya doesn't mind and only returns the hug and promises to see him soon. She can't explain her sudden sadness at seeing him go, though.

Arya is ten and hasn't seen Jon for a full year. She knows that Jon plays online video games with Bran all weekend and visits Robb and Theon often. Sansa and Jon don't have the best relationship with each other, but Arya is sure that Jon sees more of Sansa than he sees of Arya. Rickon is too young to remember Jon and doesn't seem all that phased about whether or not he stays or goes. Arya is displeased but smiles like the sun when Jon finally arrives and explains that he arranged for her to have fencing lessons, with the help of her father. Arya forgives him.

Arya is eleven and is disappointed to know that Jon is avoiding her again. This time, when he sees her, he has no excuse and only smiles sheepishly at her before explaining that he was busy. Arya demands to know what was so important. That year, Arya meets Ygritte, Jon's girlfriend.

Arya is twelve and doesn't know better. When Jon visits again, she drags him out to the Godswood and brings a knife along. "I don't want mother to find out," she explains, when she sees him staring at the knife in surprise.

"Find out what?"

"That we'll be blood siblings," Arya explains, as she cuts her palm and Jon lets her cut his after a brief hesitation. They press their palms together and Arya feels giddy with excitement, because nothing ever destroyed a bond between blood. But then Jon left again and Arya grew up.

Arya is thirteen and is possibly developing a crush on Jon. Which would make sense, she decides, because she is like Lyanna and he's Rhaegar's son. It's like Lyanna and Rhaegar reborn, she decides, even though it sounds silly, even to her. But it sounds better than whatever fairytales Sansa still hopes for.

Arya is fourteen and can't help but stare at Jon. She's always told of how much she looks like Lyanna, but everytime she looks in the mirror, she can't help but see how much she looks like Jon.

Arya is fifteen when she admits to Sansa that if she were to marry anyone, she'd marry Jon. Sansa looks at her weirdly. "He's my best friend, why wouldn't I marry him?" She explains when Sansa asks why.

"Lovers marry each other, not best friends," Sansa explains. Arya knows that, but she doesn't want Sansa to look at her with disgust when she admits that honestly, maybe Jon was more than a best friend to her, and that she was okay with that.

Arya is sixteen and is dating Gendry. Gendry is a good boyfriend, but he isn't Jon. He knows that she's not telling him something but they don't talk about it. It doesn't take long for him to figure out what exactly it is, although Arya isn't sure how exactly he figured it out. Gendry promises her that he's okay with it, that they could work through it, but Arya breaks up with him anyways, because Gendry looks too much like Jon and she can't do that to either of them - or herself.

Arya is seventeen when she watches Jon head off to fight in a war that he has no part of. Jon is acting as a soldier and is fighting for those who can't. Arya is glad that the war isn't in their country, or even remotely nearby. But Arya worries for him and writes everyday. Arya has grown up with Lommy and Hotpie, and one day they catch her writing to him. Gendry is with them. "Are you writing to your girlfriend?" Lommy laughs.

But Gendry just smiles at her and she just wants to stab his foot when he answers for her with a simple, "No. Someone more important. But he's very much a boy." Hotpie is shocked and Lommy is too busy laughing to say anything more. But Arya punches Lommy in the shoulder and he shuts up pretty quickly.

Arya is eighteen and just wants to die. Jon was officially announced missing in action a month ago and she's been destroying the tree out in the backyard. She's cut off all her hair, the hair that Jon loved to muss up so much. Gendry is helping her cope, but Gendry has a job and a life outside her. That year, Gendry meets Sansa properly as someone other than what Arya had described her as. It doesn't even take them two months to ask each other out. Arya is happy for both of them, but she is still upset and holes up in her room.

Arya is nineteen and is waiting when she receives information that Jon has been found, but gravely injured and needed immediate medical attention. They weren't sure that he was going to live. Only Aegon was allowed to go, and when he returned, he walked up to Arya and just stared at her. "He's going to be okay," he tells her, but he's still looking at her weirdly. "They'll be sending him home soon enough." For the first time in two years, she smiles.

Arya is twenty when Jon is sent back. He's just missed Sansa and Gendry's wedding but they forgive him. Arya smiles and laughs and is herself around him. Jon still acts weirdly, but eventually he forgets. Arya stares at him when he sleeps, just hovering beside his bed, not quite touching him, in fear that he'll wake up. She also doesn't know that if she touches him, maybe she can't stop herself, and then maybe she'll kiss him, and that would definitely wake him up. Some nights, she crawls into his bed, just to make sure that he's there, that he won't be going away anytime soon. And because she knows that he still dreams of the war.

Arya is twenty one when she goes to Sansa. She confesses to everything and her sister looks at her with surprise before suggesting that it's a phase and she'll get over it. Arya says that it was a pretty long phase if it's lasted more than a couple years. Sansa chooses not to talk to Arya afterwards. It takes Gendry at least three months to get Sansa to understand that Arya was undoubtfully in love with Jon.

Arya is twenty two when she moves in with Jon, who has finally been allowed to live in his own apartment after the therapist deems it okay. She knows Jon is happy for her company, even though he never says so. But later that year, Daenerys comes up to her and tells her to leave Jon alone, that she isn't helping him. She doesn't know how to react to it, so she just packs up and leaves. Later, when Jon comes and finds her, surprised that she's taken to fencing competions again. But he accepts her, and she moves back with him.

Arya is twenty three when she finally kisses him. But he's asleep and she creeps away, quiet as a mouse, when she feels him stir beneath her. But her lips are warm for the rest of the day and for the rest of the year, she doesn't forget it.

Arya is twenty four when Jon is called back to war, and even though she fights and screams at him to stay, there's no way for him not to go.

Arya is twenty five when Jon returns, but this time he's smiling that small smile that's just for her. Arya finds out that he has requested his leave of the service, and not even three months later, the war has ended with Jon's side the victors. When Arya asks him what made him decide to come back home, he just looks at her and says, "I wanted to be home. I wanted to be with you, Arya."

Arya is twenty six when she finally understands what Jon meant. That day, she doesn't hold back when she kisses him. She keeps on kissing him until he kisses back. When she finally pulls back, she swears that he smiles like the sun. Arya knows for certain now that she hadn't ever wanted anything else.


End file.
